fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
you never un-have a 4some
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
