i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
