I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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