You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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