New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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