i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
