She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
