i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
