Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
