it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize