Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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