Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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