I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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