yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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