I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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