i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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