Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
