also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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