Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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