IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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