if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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