I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
