Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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