Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
