it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
