And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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