I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize