btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
