So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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