so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
