Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
