Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
