lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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