Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
