I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
How does one acquire holy water?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
