i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
