actually, I'm a sock model
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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