is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
