I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
