So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
