I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
