mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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