I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
