Got a toothbrush?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
