We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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