At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
