every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
