i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize