Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
