I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize