i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
