i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
