I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
