i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
