We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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