did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
