you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
you never un-have a 4some
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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