I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You pole danced in your parka.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
