Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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