do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
