did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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