I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
