your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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