You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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