I'm so fucking centered right now
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
