Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
