Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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