My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
