We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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