Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
