so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
