So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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