The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
