Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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