I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
