This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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