I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
